Reborn Sunday..
Sunday, March 28, 2010
When to khubur arwah atuk dis morn with the whole family.. I mz hearing atuk telling me to take care of myself & I mz him telling me to stay with him as he wanted to keep on talking to me.. hahaha.. Now I remember where did Shikin get her talking habit from.. Hahaha.. I mz hugging atuk's small waist.. dats y when I'm with Hussien, he makes me cls to Arwah atuk.. coz their body size is the same..I talk to arwah atuk in my heart, telling him my success & promise him dat I won't give up.. I told him abt my love life.. & I told him dat I miss Firdaus so much.. I'm jz controlling the feelings & its killing me softly.. I told him to bless me journey through out dis MIT training..Lastly, I said dat, I love him so much.. how I wish he is here watching me wearing Black.. & he got to taste the cakes dat CBTL offer & coffee.. I know 1 thing for sure, he will love the coffee..Visit khubur Arwah nenek also.. Nv she hes b4 as she past away when Abah jz 9yrs old.. If I'm not wrong.. THey say I look exactly like her.. They even say dat I'm the recarnation of her.. Here I talk to her also in my heart.. I know they can listen to me even i say it in my heart.. I told her, I love her.. Give me the strength dat she have to go throught dis..breakdown in my heart.. I told her... how I wish dat I could hug her & cry all my heart out as I know she woud listen to me.. Then we send Shikin to "school" hahaha.. she have her IWG class.We then went to Aiman Cafe for breakfast.. I paid everything.. Hahaha.. Once 1 mth ok lah.. Hahaha..I requested to Abah to send me to Masjid Ar-Raudah.. Put some donation in the donation box.. bersyukur dgn nama Allah s.w.t, atas rezki yg dikurniakan.. Dats Mama Odah's advice.. so I did..Feel so brand new after doing all those.. Like a load of burden being laid off.. Fazly: I know you are reading my blog w/o me knowing it.. I know I've promise not to say anything anymore abt Firdaus.. I'm sorry, I'm jz writing wat I feel in my heart.. No worries as I'm still here with you.. Abah: Thank you for spending your time to accomadate my timing today.. Kakak syg abah.. Kakak harap abah, tabah hadapi sgala ujian.. abah, kakak kagum dgn sifat abah yg sngt penyabar.. abah jaga diri baik2 ok.. Adik & Syafie: I love the 2 of U so much.. eventhough at times u guys are irrtating.. hahaha.. But i love u both.. syafie, please take care of shikin.. shikin: adik.. learn to be independant.. even when u are sick.. ok.. jgn susah kan org..
jUst sMile :)11:48 AM
Wat a Day..
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Met Hafiz for lunch today.. siak ar.. PJD lah seh... whakakaka.. Not dat fat lah jz dat btul2 Perut Jln Dulu.. hahaha.. Daddy send me to work after I had lunch date.. HMMmm again guys... Hafiz is really not my type.. I tend to mz Fazly tapi nowadays he dosen't seem to bother abt me animore..
HMMMM nvm lah seh..
Nothing much at work, as normal.. Different Day Same Shit.. Hahaha.. was being approached by 1 lady customer earlier dis evening.. asking me, "Do your Tiramisu can have alcohol?"
In my heart was like... WTH!! are u blind?? We are certified HALAL!!! I just smile & tell her dis " Mam, so sorry, all our products did not consist of any alcohol as we are certified HALAL."
Then she ans, " Oh... But Tiramisu won't be Tiramisu w/o alcohol"
Haiz... honestly I find dis customer really STUPID.. Local s'porean but dosen't respect other races. But I'm ok.. Met Randy during change shift.. He smells so nice... hhmmmmmmmmmmm Makes me high lah sey.. so horny.. whakakakaka... aniway... got to go to bed now.. tomorow need to sit for F,A.. Nite2..
jUst sMile :)12:48 AM
Movie Outing: "Remember Me"
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Elo... I just reached home from watching movie with my baby sista & baby bro. We had Burger King b4 the movie started.. Hahaha.. was jz a mini dinner lah seh.
We wanted to watch "Up in the Air", but then the next movie start at 12mid.. Since baby bro is working morn so we decided to watch "Remember Me".
Its a very romantic movie but its jz a normal couple story with conflict.. yet the ending is so call "stuck up". The hero died of september 11 twin tower incident.. do u believe it?? It have been years seh since the incident, I just dn get it y the writer have to take dat as the ending.. Nice story spoil by the stupid ending..
Well, specially for my baby sis & bro.. next movie outing with me will be " Up in The Air" alrite.. dats if I'm free lah.. Hahaha.. since I'm single.. I will get Syaiful to be with me ok. Kita dbl date, dbl trouble.. Whakaka.
jUst sMile :)12:00 AM
Clearing PH
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Clearing my PH CNY/1 today at home with my baby sista.. Hahaha so sweet seh, she help me change my blogskin.. hahahaha.. Sweet kan.. dgn muka cramp dia ngadap laptop.. hahahaha..
HMmmmmm tomorrow I'm going to work... keje 3pm-11pm..
Alot of work to do!! COGS update for 2 days. Then followed by study for WOC FA.. Haiz... fine it difficult to absorb with coffee knowledge seh.. Haiz... Jz be patience lah. Hopefully everything going normal..
Had my 2nd shift cert yest.. I pass!!! 84%.. Yey!!! Norman said I improve alot on my running shift. Knowledge of coffee & tea still have alot to improve.. Haiz.. I prepare alot of things seh for my shift cert. including timer in my hp.. yet I forgot all abt Coffee & Tea knowledge.. hahaha..
But I did my best despite the shocking news dat I received from Fidi.. He is getting married in 2yrs time. Preparation is already starting..
Siak ar honestly dat HURTS!!
But I'm good.. it dosen't effect my shift cert..
To Fidi: Ak, I love you alot. More then the whole world. Tapi sy tak blh buat apa2.. & sy tau ak tak akan kembali ke pangkuan sy. Ak, sy doakan ak bahagia dgn dia. Terima kasih kerana sudi menjadi teman & kekasih sy.. Apa pun jua, sy nak buktikan pada ak yg sy mampu berdiri sendiri tanpa ak.
To Os: B, I msh syg u.. Tapi I juga nak buktikan pada u yg I mampu juga berdiri tanpa u.
To Fazly & Hafiz : Gd to know u both.. I'm so sorry dat I can't stay with either 1 of u guys as I need to concentrate on my job & my family financial. Hanya Tuhan saja yg tau sape jodoh I sebenarnya. Biarlah masa menentukan segala.
I told abah dat I didn't want to get married. I think I had enough of guys.. Anyway I dn need a boyfren or a companion.. Wat I need is... Fuck Buddy.. to fullfill my desire.. Hahaha.. Seriously I didn't wan to get married.. I'm too afraid..
Now dat I have the job dat I wanted... I tend to mz my family lah sey... hahaha.. especially my daddy.. But he tried to fetch me always.. talk to me abt work.. Can't imagine life w/o daddy.. would be very lonely.. He is my inspiration.. My life & now I realise everything is jz abt him.. , abah..Evrytime I feel like breaking down.. looking in his eyes makes me get back up. I'm stronger in his eyes. As I'm him..
Wat I could say is.. Do not gv up.. As in relationship we need trust, sincerity & honesty.. We need to love each other as wat they are.. as we did not want others to change us rite.. I belive there's a soulmate for every1.. & I believe dat.. 1 day.. there will be som1 for me..
jUst sMile :)5:04 PM
2nd Shift Cert Preparations
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Tomorrow is my 2nd shift cert. At times I felt dat I wanted to gv up.. But dis is my dream & my daddy's dream to see me wearing the black uniform..
Honestly I miss Fidi so much.. But I need to control myself.. its hard to move on w/o him.. but I did move on..
"Ya Allah s.w.t, berikan lah aku kekuatan.. sesungguhnya ini adalah kehendak mu.. Aku percaya jodoh pertemuan adalah ketentuan mu.. Namun hakikatnya aku sngt merinduinya.. Aku tak mampu terus kan perjalanan hidup ini tanpa nya disisi ku.. Aku yakin smua ini adalah rahsia mu, aku juga yakin kau maha pengasih & kau tak akan uji kami lebih dari kemampuan kami"
Since my enggagement ended few mths ago.. I could feel somthing is not rite with my stepmum.. & I'm rite..
She told shikin dat, "do not be like me.. Abis manis sepah org buang"
Honestly, those words hurt me alot.. Suddenly I hated Hussien so much.. I've tried my very best to hold on.. I changed I did so many things for him. Yet he insist on ending it.. Now every1 is turning their back on me.. wat have I done wrong!!! Tell me???
I gv him money, I gv him attention. Support for him to work.. Watelse????
yet he wans to leave... my fault again??? I'm seriously breaking apart... & no1 knows or even understand how I feel deep in me..
I'm a normal gal also.. I wanted a honest relationship... I wanted attention, to be loved as wat i am.. Yet y??? Y he still leave me??? Firdaus leave me long time ago... thought Hussien is diff... yet at the end... He is the same!!!
I'm falling apart when I noe wat people is saying.. I laugh, I smile.. But my heart... I'm crying.. coz seriously... it HURTS!!!!
jUst sMile :)8:54 PM
My Dearest Exes..
Monday, March 15, 2010
Me & Fazly.. the last ex dat only last me for 2 wks
Hussien (Os), my ex fiance.. dat I tend to mz..
Firdaus (Fidi).. My beloved ex,, dat tattoo his name on my heart..
Yest, all of a sudden... every1 jz come back to me.. The last few days I was missing them like crazy.. especially Fidi..
Honestly I can't leave w/o Fidi.. he is a permanent tattoo in my heart dat can nv be removed. Last mth, I received a msg from him sying dat he is officially attached & he was hoping dat I understand his situation. I was breaking apart upon receiving dat sms. felt the whole world was falling.. It affected me so badly dat I was so down.. I cried as I really didn't expect him to say it.. Moving on w/o him is so hard.. I even rather be his slave as long as I can see him, talk to him or even watch him.. I jz didn't wan him to leave me..
As for Os, I mz being a "fiancee" to him.. I mz the fights dat we used to have.. The arguements. The "5min" thing.. Its jz so funny.. yet I'm doing very gd w/o him.. especially in my career..
As for my "Kung fu Panda", he is so innocent.. So sweet, chubby, big ex bf of mine.. noe he tried his very best to be on the same pace as me.. It jz didn't work.. I let him go coz I noe I will hurt him in the end.. & I couldn't affort to do dat to him..
I also have... a guy who came in my life b4 Fidi, Abg An... He is divorced now.. Single with 3 kids.. He is a very wonderful father. He is also my "teacher" in this love life.. Basically he met all my ex'es.. I love being cuddle by him most of the time...
so wat happen was... Yest morn, I met abg an.. we when out for b'fast. we catch up wif our lives dat we mizz out.. everything when so well.. I went to work in the evening.. arnd 8pm... received a kol from unknown num.. Its Os!!!Ask me out on sat.. Didn't know Y??...then .. I have visitor in my outlet.. Claire Sassoon.. My Big boss, daughter.. So I was kind of being hold for work.. Lucky daddy fetch me.. hahahaha.. Otw home, while in the car, received another sms from unknown num.. now.. its FIDI.. Suddenly It felt so hurt.. My heart jz wanted to cry.. I mz him so much.. But then.. i told him this..
"Ak, I've promised u this.. If u have a gf.. I won't disturb u anymore. She is a gal & I'm a gal too.. Its hurting to know dat our guy is still contacting his ex.. So I hope u understand. just msg me when u are free.. ok.. But I won't be disturbing u"
It hurts when I msg him dat.. But I know.. I have to move on eventhought its very tought.. Haiz... I mz him so much.. How I wish I could beg him to come back to me.. Yet I know he miss me too.. i know there is somthing dat he wanted to tell me.. i could feel him evnthought he is so far away frm me.. As his name is already Tattoo in my heart.
Then daddy asked me, who msg me late nite..I told him its Fidi.. I told him dat I even gt a call from my ex fiancee, os.. Daddy jz sigh.. & said
"Kakak, apa yg dah berakhir biarkan berakhir. Tak ada apa yg perlu di sambungkan lagi. Bekas tetap menjadi bekas tak akan blh di tukar menjadi kawan baik kerana kenangan yg ada itu akan membuat kakak tak blh teruskan idup baru. Kakak dah jadi Mgr.. Dah 26thn.. Bkn 16thn. Kakak kena lupakan org2 ni & cari yg baru.. Barulah kakak mampu btul2 buka buku baru.. "
Its true wat daddy said.. I need to really move on & leave the past behind me.. But how?? When Fidi's name is Tattoo on my heart.. It can't be erase..
jUst sMile :)11:11 AM