I'm so numb
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Haiz..
I didn't noe where to begin & how.. Today whole was spend at my fiancee house. I bring sis lappy along... with intention of playing it when my "beloved" fiancee goes to slp.. I had to cook as his mum is not around.. so gt to help out... making sure dat the guys in the house is not starving..
I was so pisst of with my "beloved" fiancee.. The moment I enter the house... he told me to go to his room... then... u noe... he & the "5min" thing happens.. see... when he wans me... he demands... then after dat.,.. he jz throw me aside..
Haiz... didn't noe... wat to do... I think basically all guys is the same.. there goes for my ex too..
he dissappear after we secretly when out on last sat nite.. now if I called him.. he sound frustrated....
At times I think... am i too cheap?? am I fun to play around with??
Today... after so long of not meeting my "beloved" fiancee... he told me this... I've put on weight.. I'm ugly... I'm too fat... I didn't noe how to take care of his heart... bla... bla... bla..
Then he say dis... If i'm not going to be slim again by dec... he will find another gal.. & I really dn noe wat to do... He keeps on repeating those words... untill I'm numb with it..
He even said dat he have another gal... from CBTL, FORUM... & I jz act deaf.. I told him to repeat but he said... nothing.. of all that I've done for him... he still hates me... my physical..
wat am i suppose to do now???
Coz everytime... I talk abt him... having another gal... NO ONE IN HIS FAMILY BELIVES ME... B'CZ everytime they asked him... he will say.. I'm jealous.. i'm not understanding..
I jz got fed up...
So now... i'm keeping everything in silent... it hurt me so much... but i have to keep it... coz i didnt wan to be blame for nothing.. I'm so numb now...
jz following the flow of my life.. where it will go & where it will ends...
In his family eyes... I'm the bad gal...
i take the blame... I am the bad gal...
jUst sMile :)7:53 PM