Just a LUst
Tuesday, April 5, 2011


"Another shot of coffee can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing u come sweeping in the way u did before.
& I wonder if I ever cross ur mind.
As for me it happens all the time."
I change the whiskey to coffee, coz in outlet no whiskey lah. Lolz
That's how I am, in the outlet every day since he left.
I know he is too young. Not even up to my standard of a guy.
But something abt him just reminds me of Fidi.
Maybe, I miss Fidi too much.
His attitude of, controlling, loving... especially the demanding part exactll like Fidi. Playfull... Everything..
However, I know he is just taking advantage of me.
SEx material... That's how I put it..
I'm ok with him having a real gf but,,, I begin to be selfish.
As I wanted him to always be here with me. Which is so impossible.
Someone told me this, "I'm impress coz, u have a very strong heart. Eventhough it kills u when Fidi is happy with his new gf. Yet u still stay happy & smiley"
In my heart... Actually, I'm crying. If I'm happy & I'm strong, I would have a new bf or even married by now. But this heart, refused to open its door to other guys that knocks.If people around me knows, the truth in my heart, would they still say I'm "strong at heaer".
Its easy to say, move on.. Its hard to really move on & did not grieve over the past.
As Fidi is the 1st guy whom I fall in Love with, I believe his name will last all my life in this heart.
To Fidi:
"
Awak, loving u is something that no one could change. It will last in this heart forever. Even till now, I'm still waiting for the day that u will walk back in my arms again. Even its impossible right now, but I still believe that day will come by. Yes, I'm successful now even w/o u around. But ur memories keep me strong as days goes by. I love u much. But I know, u ar happier with her. Take care of her just like u did to me. Lastly,,, I will still love u from this distance."
To Baby boy:
"
Thanks for the comfort. Thanks u so much for the TLC. I love the way u bring me close to Fidi's memories. Thank u so much. Please stop being playboy ok. Eventhough u denied it. But u are... =)"
jUst sMile :)12:47 PM
Shitty Shift Just Smile
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Funny..
Very Funny..
My feelings are all mess up..
I don't how to express my feelings in words..
What happen was..
I had this case.. Lost $200 then have to pay the whole amt
& get a warning letter for that.
Its hard to say this.. I don't even know what happen..
The money just gone..
When everyone else have the support of their OM's,
i Don't... she just act as if I'm not there.
All discussion in Tagalog terms.. How to understand??
She wrote in comns book, "Treat the outlet as your outlet"
How to treat this outlet as my own outlet when she don't treat me as her AM2?
I don't know lah what to say..
Am just keeping this to myself.
Then here comes my Boss,
everytime I ans the phone, I will hear this,"F*ck NOOR!!"
So demotivating!!!
Nobody knows the probs that I'm facing in my Bloody Outlet!!
Seriously.. I'm at my down fall.. My bestfren don't even bother to ask how am I?
WTF!!
jUst sMile :)12:57 AM
Last LOve
Saturday, July 10, 2010
I gather my courage to call him the other day..
The moment I said "Hello"
He shouted, "Awak!! Mana awak pegi?? Asal num tukar tak bilang? Asal awak deactivate Facebook acct? Asal awak tukar tpt keje?"
I smile upon hearing him grumble just like a small kid, "Awak, kan saya dah janji tak akan ganggu awak kalau awak dah ada gf yg mampu menjaga awak kan? Awak kena jaga hati dia, ok."
It hurts everytime , I say, I'm letting him go.
At times I just dn understand my own feelings.
I let him go, yet I miss him..
I let him go, yet I'm hurt..
I've move on, with better career..
Yet still, I felt that he is missing..
I got what I wanted.. Career, family & freedom..
Yet I still find my heart is so empty w/o him..
At times I wonder, does he felt the same emptiness w/o me around??
Or is she so complete that makes him 4get all abt me??
Gosh... Letting him go is the hardest decision I've ever made.
But I'm happy to hear that he is ok & happy with her.
Specially for Norida;
I know U won't read this, But I just wanted to pour this out to u.
Firdaus, is a very nice guy. The most responsible guy I've ever been with.
Take good care of him. Do not hurt him, as I guess I've hurt him enough.
Love him as who he is. Accept his randomness & nonsense, which I believe it will make ur day like he does to me. U may erase me off his mind & heart. As I believe he us all yours to decide. REgarding my love for him, YES, it can nv be erase. But trust, I won't take him away from u.
Just do me this favour, take good care of him for me.
Lastly love,
Wati
jUst sMile :)12:49 PM
wonders...
Tuesday, June 15, 2010



There is this saying,
"Every1 will feel TRUE LOVE at least ONCE in their LIFETIME. & that TRUE LOVE can NEVER be FORGOTTEN, eventhough they have their own partners. Be it their new pertner, better then or worst then. That 1 TRUE LOVE can NEVER be ERASE."
Now I wonder,,,
I know the true love comes only once. I guess that once for me, have already past.
Its true.. He is hard to forget. Even remember every moments of being with him.
The fun, the bad.. The laughter, the tears.. EVery obstacles we've been through.
From walking or taking bus.. to riding a bike.. to driving his own car..
From cooking home food for his lunch to sharing 1 meal till we had dinner in LUXURY restaurant..
That's how I watch him climb his way up to success..
I wonder..If he still remember all those..
After he've left..
My whole world seems to change.. Can't seems to find a guy who is just like him/even similar to him.All the guys after him is just taking advantage of my life. I miss him so much. Miss the way he treat me. I'm always on his PRIORITY LIST. Haha..
Well that's all the past..
Now he is happy with his new galfren. I wish him all the best.
Though deep in my heart,,, I still believe he will comes back in my life.. just matter of time..
I had wierd dreams this 2wks..
Funny.. all involved afew of my colleuges.. very wierd..
1st dream was.. "C".. In that dream, we were holding hands. We are so in Love. Then.. when we are about to kiss,,, I woke up.
(Real facts: we are not close to each other. We didn't talk often too.. funny rite)
2nd dream was.. "N".. In this dream, he came to my outlet doing in usual stuff..after that.. he hug me from behind & make me sit on his lap. he kiss me on my cheek then I woke up.
(Real facts: we dn talk much when we meet.nothing but just abt work. coz he is my boss.)
3rd dream was.. "Z". this dream, we are in the same house. we cuddle each other on our bed. & he whisper, "I dn wan to loose u".. that wakes me up!!
(Real facts: we always quarrel everytime we met.)
Funny rite? dream of 3 diff guys,, & all this guys is not close to me.. WTF!!!
LUcky its just a dream. If not I would die of people gossiping abt me playing around with this 3 guys.. hahaha.
I've been thinking for the past few days.
Honestly I felt happy being single. Get to flirt around. Party with all my galfrens. Have fun together. BUt I realised somthing...
Its kinda true wat MAMA ODAH used to say,, "At the end of the day, U still need a companion so that U won't feel lonely when the night falls. A companion that U can cuddle the rest of Ur life with."
It's true I can't deny it. I did felt lonely at the end of the day..
I miss a guy whom I can talk to every night on the phone. A guy whom can cuddle me throughout my bus journey home. A guy who will kiss me on my forehead GD NITE.A guy who will say,"Its ok, I'm here for U".. Gosh... I think, I need a guy BADLY.. hahaha.
jUst sMile :)3:11 PM
My Stupid Relationship
Saturday, June 12, 2010


Didn't know why he came back to me..
Didn't know why he walked out again..
I'm just sick & tired of his games..
Now I guess, I better move on..
He said, he is busy..
How about me??
He said, he needs time..
3yrs is not time??
I just don't understand him now..
He changed alot since he came back..
As for me.. How I feel?
What I want?
Look....
I'm busy at work..
With all the stress..
& all the pressure from my superior..
I need to be loved..
Pampered..
Cuddle when I'm stress..
THat's all that I'm asking for..
I know in a relationship, guys always want their girlfriends to ease their stress..
out of problems & troubles when couples are together..
& I believe that's what girls wanted also..
It's just at times, girls tend to get a bit demanding..
Look again..
I'm a 26yrs old girl..
Single.. attached to.. (God knows who?)
Being an Asst Mgr of a High Profile Outlet..
Handling around 15 staff..
Of course,,, I want attention..
I want a lively relationship..
Full of surprises..
Full of Love..
Which I believe,, me relationship now is going down the drain again..
Silent... No news... Nothing..
Haiz... Morale of the story is..
WATEVER!!!
jUst sMile :)7:27 AM
Now... or Never..,
Friday, June 4, 2010

Honestly, i didn't know how to express this feelings..
Especially after hearing the news..
Syaiful was transfered to CPF building..
I'm transfered to Guthrie HS..
HOnestly & seriously...
I hate that place..
When I'm just starting to settle down in Holland Village, I was transfered to Guthrie.
BUt my boss, Norman, told me this
"Nv compared. Coz diff OM have diff style. Diff place, diff staff. Always remember to be patient. As getting promoted is not somthing for you to ask for. You need to be patient in order for all the upper management to notice you. I know you are good, this is just somthing that I believe & I want u to believe it also".
A very wise advice from a very wise OM right?
Which is true what he said.. I need to be more open to changes..
HOnestly,,,, another thing is.. I miss Syaiful..
I know he is not straight & I know that he is attached... & I also know that from the start we are just bestfriends..
Yet the way he treats me..
He pampered me.. is just the way I wanted to be pampered by a guy..
Every1 thought that we are together. Couples... As we are always seen together.
hmmmm.... how i wish he become straight. hahaha
jUst sMile :)11:44 AM
My Heart...
Monday, May 31, 2010

At times I wonder...
Did I really move on...Did I really didnt grieve over the past...Did I really let U go, sincerely...Did I really accept this fact that U are not mine anymore...I keep on wondering...Y???Do I accept him in my life coz.. I LOVE HIM..Do I accept him in my life coz.. I WANT HIM..Do I accept him in my life coz.. I ADORE HIM..Do I accept him in my life coz.. I'm afraid of this lonliness..Makes me keep on wondering...Y???After U've left.. I'm success by my own..After U've left.. I'm happier alone..After U've left.. I'm ease in my mind..After U've left.. Somthing seems to be empty in my heart..Still, I wonder...Y???There is this darkness in my heart...When I'm being success in my career...I got the freedom I used to dream off...I got friends surrounding me...Guys... dying for my love...But still darkness covers my heart...As I know... & I guess every1 knows...That I still, LOVE U...
jUst sMile :)10:41 AM